Having just landed from the other side of the world I have been suffering the usual after effects, feeling so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open and then back to almost ready to run a marathon, all very confusing for you and more so those around you, but I am here writing at home on a Saturday morning, not at the yard but at home, its a very strange feeling as we self-employed just don't see a Saturday to ourselves and mostly not even a Sunday!. It would be nice to get used to it, but staff and finances wait for no mortal, I am sure it will be battle stations again soon enough, but for now I can at least imagine what it would be like to have a wage and a weekend.. bliss !.
As I write I am thinking of getting some treatment for my crazy fear of heights, it's something I have had all my life and trust me it really doesn't get better the older you get, I can manage the top of a long ladder no problem but when you go that extra couple of feet higher I feel like a jelly balanced on a toothpick. My hands shoot out to the nearest thing to hand, (so it's advisable you don't stand too close to me in a lift) and I freeze so well it makes Marcel Marceau look an amateur. It's very funny if you are stood watching me, especially the other day when I was in a flat that had ceiling to floor windows 9 floors up and i was glued to the door at the back as i didn't want to get close to the edge!.
As you can imagine this is somewhat of a problem when one needs to fly. I would imagine I would be quite comical to observe as it's about the only time i am completely quiet, I don't fidget I just sit like a condemned man, on take off i close my eyes and pretend it isn't happening and then the pilot says "if you look to your right you will see Sydney Harbour Bridge..." No no no thank you Mr pilot just get us up high enough that I cant relate the height to the ground because of cloud cover, do not ask me to look out of the bloody windows for God's sake!. I know this is crazy, because other people are going "ooooohhh look at that" while i am sat bolt upright with my head facing forwards and my eyes shut, oh yes you can laugh alright, topping all this off, the new technology available on long haul planes means you can now activate cameras situated underneath the plane, or on the nose, so even if you are looking straight ahead and trying not to look if the guy next to you is watching said views you find your eyes wondering across to his screen, you simply can't get away from seeing outside now!.
So, I think perhaps i need some help in overcoming this irrational thought process, after all we know its not the fall that kills you its the ground. I am tempted to try hypnotism, after all my mind is always open to new things, but knowing my luck i would come out being able to climb the Empire State but start smoking 60 a day. The other way of getting over it I suppose is to address your fears like people do with a spider phobia, like holding a tarantula for 10 minutes or so, but I have been at 40,000ft for 21 hours so i can't see how that will work, just how much addressing do you need?. The other way is to sit and talk to a shrink, (mmm I know what you guys are all thinking....) but I cant see how they could talk me out of a fear I have had all my life, or maybe I am doing them an injustice.
Either way I am getting tired of what I can see is a totally irrational fear and if i know its irrational why can't I overcome it?. Perhaps some of you may have suffered with the same thing and can give me a few pointers on how you managed to conquer your fears!.
As I said its been a very calm Saturday, not like any Saturday I have had for many years, I have not been to the yard and looked around or worked, I have simply chilled and enjoyed the sunshine, something I had plainly forgotten was possible. There are many things I need to do and perhaps should be doing but for now this is some me time, no requirements other than be me. I like it. I recommend it. We all need that little bit of time to ourselves.
As I write I am thinking of getting some treatment for my crazy fear of heights, it's something I have had all my life and trust me it really doesn't get better the older you get, I can manage the top of a long ladder no problem but when you go that extra couple of feet higher I feel like a jelly balanced on a toothpick. My hands shoot out to the nearest thing to hand, (so it's advisable you don't stand too close to me in a lift) and I freeze so well it makes Marcel Marceau look an amateur. It's very funny if you are stood watching me, especially the other day when I was in a flat that had ceiling to floor windows 9 floors up and i was glued to the door at the back as i didn't want to get close to the edge!.
As you can imagine this is somewhat of a problem when one needs to fly. I would imagine I would be quite comical to observe as it's about the only time i am completely quiet, I don't fidget I just sit like a condemned man, on take off i close my eyes and pretend it isn't happening and then the pilot says "if you look to your right you will see Sydney Harbour Bridge..." No no no thank you Mr pilot just get us up high enough that I cant relate the height to the ground because of cloud cover, do not ask me to look out of the bloody windows for God's sake!. I know this is crazy, because other people are going "ooooohhh look at that" while i am sat bolt upright with my head facing forwards and my eyes shut, oh yes you can laugh alright, topping all this off, the new technology available on long haul planes means you can now activate cameras situated underneath the plane, or on the nose, so even if you are looking straight ahead and trying not to look if the guy next to you is watching said views you find your eyes wondering across to his screen, you simply can't get away from seeing outside now!.
So, I think perhaps i need some help in overcoming this irrational thought process, after all we know its not the fall that kills you its the ground. I am tempted to try hypnotism, after all my mind is always open to new things, but knowing my luck i would come out being able to climb the Empire State but start smoking 60 a day. The other way of getting over it I suppose is to address your fears like people do with a spider phobia, like holding a tarantula for 10 minutes or so, but I have been at 40,000ft for 21 hours so i can't see how that will work, just how much addressing do you need?. The other way is to sit and talk to a shrink, (mmm I know what you guys are all thinking....) but I cant see how they could talk me out of a fear I have had all my life, or maybe I am doing them an injustice.
Either way I am getting tired of what I can see is a totally irrational fear and if i know its irrational why can't I overcome it?. Perhaps some of you may have suffered with the same thing and can give me a few pointers on how you managed to conquer your fears!.
As I said its been a very calm Saturday, not like any Saturday I have had for many years, I have not been to the yard and looked around or worked, I have simply chilled and enjoyed the sunshine, something I had plainly forgotten was possible. There are many things I need to do and perhaps should be doing but for now this is some me time, no requirements other than be me. I like it. I recommend it. We all need that little bit of time to ourselves.
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