The Sunday Roast

Life is somewhat of a blur at the moment, I have many things to accomplish over the next 24 hours before my imminent departure to Sydney Aus. I have done the European trek many times so am well used to flying but not used to the long haul, so I may be out of sorts for a day or two. In order for me to gain purchase and defeat the book I am writing I need some away time, the hustle and bustle of business life in the UK plays a very negative part in the realms of creativity, so much so the project was in danger of stalling and even dying, something that i clearly couldn't allow to happen,  as my passion is writing and I intend to push hard to get my voice heard. I have many good friends who have pushed me thus far, as i have very little self worth, I come from a family that would only use the word "love" to address something akin to a pint of beer or a beefburger.
It is difficult to stand out from the crowd and write. You have to be open to criticism and knock backs and be able to support your addiction financially if you wish to make something of it, unless of course you have a tale of wizards, in which case skip the work house and move directly to Park Lane and collect £200 million as you do!.  My sights are not set that high as that is a phenomenon the likes of which we rarely see, but i would be lying if i didn't admit to having high hopes for my passionately written novel that depicts a life and times we are all too easily forgetting despite the fact it only spans the last two generations.
I wonder sometimes how i came to be writing, after all I am not an archetypal writer if there is such a thing, my extensive machinery and vehicle knowledge combined with a driving ability that covers every vehicle that has an engine and goes forwards and backwards known to man is hardly the background to a budding J K Rowling, but I am slowly coming to terms with it as are some of my more regular customers at work. I love the opportunity to stand and chat about writing but will rarely do the same about vehicles, so my heart has already been lost to literature in it's purest form, but there is not a day goes by where upon i am not wrenched from such wonderful descriptive enigmatic written accomplishments to go 'stick' my head under a truck bonnet and express an experienced opinion as to it's maladies, it's no wonder I am somewhat dazed and confused.
 Am I unhappy in  my skin therefore?, well actually yes I am and it surely cannot be a big surprise to learn that that is the case, in fact if the most menial written task was to land on my doorstep I would be feeding my passion in a heartbeat such is my hunger and determination to flourish and display the fruits writing alone can give it's creator.
So, for a while it is I and my laptop in Oz in a feeding frenzy for the written word, i can create, kill, love,laugh or even cry with characters that are under my control and beneficiary. It surely could never get better than that, apart obviously from great reviews and maybe even a pay cheque for my endeavours !

I had a busy day Saturday taking two of my friends to the church in order that they may marry, I put on my best bib and tucker and indeed enjoyed the experience, they truly made a wonderful couple. I do have to admit however to raising an eyebrow at the parting shot of the vicar, as obviously the participants had already been made over £500.00 lighter for the hire of the premises etc, when he declared that the roof was in need of some TLC and the church was trying to raise £70,000 to get it done and could we look favourably at the begging plate, sorry collection plate at the back of the church. I have to be honest I thought it was a bit damned cheeky to ask such a question on a bride's wonderful day but in these austere times i guess every shilling counts, whether it be unashamedly begged for while the church is full or donated from the Central Church funds or more likely Lottery money.

Mary and Robert on their happy day this Saturday.

As we get older it becomes more difficult to define happiness, in fact it is easily confused with contentment if one is not too careful. The word contentment is the stuff of my nightmares, I could not dare to be content for that would mean journey's end, the Golden Fleece, the elusive Unicorn, I would be left empty and dreamless and as such surely become a leviathan of my very own making, unless of course I actually do stumble upon that one thing that pulls my reigns and drops the anchor of the good ship DJ forever, as such utter contentment is easier to seek than it is to find, though the road is full of heartbreak I still hope and pray that it still waits for me.
 I must leave you and organise my jobs and staff for this elongated amount of time I am away and praise them for all that they bring to me in work and comradeship, my staff are very important to me and as such must be nurtured and complimented in order that they do not forget their worth to us as a company, in short i am telling them that their contribution is immeasurable and i love what they do. What a pity i could not of heard that "L" word more often as a child, I may have already found my complete contentment but an unable to recognise it because I don't know what to look for.. now that would be sad.

Have a great week, I know I will though it will be definitely busy and different !

You see... I can look smart when it is required... though it is rarely for too long !













 

The Noose.

Empty gallows lifeless hunt
Reaping bounty sought from misery
Harshest wind blows ice grey sky
Silence broken but momentary
Footsteps heard like distant choir
Ascending volume through the gale
As noose swings, smugly, nonchantly,
Knowingly, without heart or pause,
For all that it represents
The time is here right now,
As noose is lowered to soft neck
Itchy on it's victims flesh,
The last feeling the last sensation,
The floor drops, the noose bites,
Holds tight, tighter, tighter,
Then stops, It's killing done
Silent unforgiving, soulless, yet still smug,
It's grip released by a single knife's cut.
Not so smug, buried with it's prey
Again the gallows lifeless hunt begins,
A smug, ruthless rope swings once more..

All that glitters.

I will soon have some time to finish a novel that is very close to my heart. It is slightly controversial but not to the uninitiated, it stretches the boundaries of our assumptions and leads the reader down a path that sometimes would be scarcely believable in the current climate we live in and also uncomfortable in how it makes us search for the 'label' we often give to people we meet or hear about. I am enjoying writing it and the chance to get some me time for the next month and finish it makes me very happy.
You see, far too often we jump on the band wagon and assume people fit into the little slot that experience has cut out on our behalf. Mostly, it has to be said our first thoughts are the right one's but this is not an infallible method of gauging someone's true intentions. My book delves into those feelings and brings them to the fore. It teaches you that just because a certain object is bright and sparkly it's intentions may be rather less than honourable. It's a good piece of advice.
Recently, I have had someone jump to a conclusion about my own actions and integrity and it really does grab you, especially when they are completely wrong.  If I stand and think about it for a moment however, I too would be acting in a similar vain, it's a common selfless act to protect your family from any outsider no matter how friendly or how good their intentions, at first they must be treated as hostile, this is how we are made, it's in our DNA.
I am sure with a little time I can allay any fears that have come to pass, but it does highlight the in-built radar we use to label people with. It isn't always right. 

Saved,

I found the world so uninviting
The story just remained the same
A constant battle always fighting
So many heartaches I could name

In times of need and there were plenty
A harbour safe I sought to dwell
Though all my seas were cold and empty
Depth of heartache matched the swell

So cast adrift and left to flounder
A nightmare with no chance of waking
Without a hope and little wonder
This strongest heart was close to breaking

The spirit tested like no other
My grasp on life just ebbed away
Like new born child without a mother
The tears were plenty, here to stay

Days a blur and shone less brightly
Life seemed on a one way ride
Someone held that light so tightly
Came and stood there at my side

Now the days are all inviting
Stormy sea's lay calm and still

No more heartache no more fighting
A life now lived with own free will.






 

Fine To Speed.

While we sit and bemoan our pot-holed roads and shabby health service we would do well to remember those two low life individuals who had a lovers spat and ended up behind bars a few weeks ago. How much I wonder did that little investigation cost us the taxpayer while the two of them played their tit for tat argument in the public arena?. Far from jailing the two miscreants I would have slapped a half million pound fine on each of them and paid for some pot holes to be repaired, preferably by those two miserable snivelling autocrats along with a few more I could think of in a chain gang style reminiscent of the America's in the 30's.
Why should we detain two filthy rich liars at Her Majesty's pleasure?. It is no surprise that we are in such a tawdry financial state when such people are pandered to or even bothered with by the Police. What a complete waste of Public money over a speeding offence. Fine them some big bucks and get them filling pot-holes for a week or two, now THAT is justice !.

I do just wonder why kids spelling is so abhorrent these days. We have trainees through the company that cannot spell or much even write. Any form of written work is a complete disaster from them as they simply are not up to keeping records, it's bordering on insanity. Well, then again perhaps we shouldn't be surprised when we see American youngsters programmes with misspelled words such as EaSTAR (honestly i kid you not including the capitol letters)  etc, now some cool programmer in the States must have thought he had struck gold when he thought of putting "star" in Easter but come on guys.. these are kids, they will see it and soon they will be spelling it like that, it's a problem I am afraid that will only get worse as time goes on and we get Americanisms like organize and socialize and "crock of shit".  Rest my case.

Our new Collie pup is making herself at home... by chewing everything that can fit in it's tiny mouth, at the moment she has a par chant for coal... of all things, in fact she has eaten enough of late to rival the Flying Scotsman on the steep climb up Shap with a head wind, quite what the outcome will be for her intestines or her passenger carrying abilities remains to be seen. She is however now finding out what "Down" means and also the word "No". This in itself is no real surprise as she is hearing those two words twice every 60 seconds at the very least. It all adds to the wonderful experience that is puppy ownership and if you are not prepared to have more bite marks than a Transylvania prostitute on everything in your house and have a welcome "poop" some mornings to greet your bleary-eyed start to the day then i suggest it's not for you.  I don't suppose anyone wants a puppy by any chance ? :-) #justkidding

Sunday Roast.

It seems the Europe debate is set to rumble on, it could even come to a head as soon as this week, but we shall have to wait and see. Europe has become a very different place to the naive select few Countries that made the first bold steps towards a single market amongst their closest neighbours way back in the early 70's.
In those days it seemed like a gilt edged plan full of promise and a wonderful way to build a solid trading bond with allies that couldn't be broken.
As with all massive institutions however, there comes a time when the sheer weight of different opinions and bureaucracy has turned it round into a slow moving overbearing giant with little or no relation to the sharp, fit forward looking ideas it started out with originally.
This is very much the case apparent with our own wonderful NHS, now overburdened with a management that has lost complete control of finances and direction due to the sheer weight of opinions, targets and lack of strong leadership, in effect no-one is singing from the same hymn sheet, the nurses are over-worked as more and more legislation is heaped upon them along with targets that simply can't be met, what was a straight forward simplistic idea that benefited everyone in the Country is now a wounded angel with a heart that must surely soon slow to a murmur and eventually die. If this all sounds familiar, well take a look at Europe, what started as a fine idea has grown to be unrecognisable.
 So if we jump ship with Europe, walk away and say thank you but no thank you my guess is that we could then drop all the legislation that burdens such institutions like the NHS and effectively save it from the brink, sorry if that sounds very simplistic but i believe it to actually be the case.
For too long Doctors and Nursing staff have had to put up with plastic managers dreamt up by our European brethren and placed there to "protect" our human rights. Poppycock. What has happened in reality is that we now have good staff working ridiculous hours on poor pay while these autocrats with their smart suites and skirts waltz around with a clip board's with yet another form for them to fill in while on twice the money of the people actually doing the job, sounds like Europe still?, you bet it does.
  Here is a bold statement, if i was given the reigns of the NHS today, I would wager my reputation that I could half it's budget within 12 months and turn it into the pride of this country as it always was deemed to be. No, I am not joking and neither am I some magician, but I do have one thing that is coherently missing from this now aimlessly wondering lost giant, I am from the private sector. I have been in business over 22 years, I know how to run a business and I know what the requirements are to stay afloat and be competitive, these are key elements that until put in place will see the demise of the NHS, it will be privatised, in fact its on its way so now because it is deemed a poison challis by all politicians who themselves have no business acumen let alone the will to tackle the issues which will leave it to wither and die due to pure mismanagement, nothing else. So go on Mr Cameron, let me have the reigns for 12 months, let's face it I could hardly do worse could I?.

I do believe we have probably had our summer. One day this month we received a whole two days of sunshine and reached a heady 22 degrees. It's now half way through May, 6 weeks from the longest day and the log burner is still in constant use, leaving one or two of us scratching our heads over the Global warming saga. One thing that really did strike me as quite hilarious the other day was the LEZ ( London's Low Emissions Zone) legislation. It made me chuckle that Londoners have the toughest legislation in any City with regard to vehicle pollution and believe it to now be full of quality Oxygen that only comes second to a walk in the Shropshire hills. As much as i hate to be a party pooper just look skywards you guys... what isn't getting you from ground level is sure as hell making up for it in the sky.

I am about to go into the kitchen and grab my favourite tipple, those of you who know me will be aghast to think I am drinking Scotch this early, but no, that OTHER favourite tipple, coffee. I am sure that I would be rendered as useless as Superman with a bar of Kryptonite on his lap if I were to ever go without that first brew of the morning and despite so many claims that it is bad for you and can cause hyperactivity and can be as addictive as any drug I am sure I have it all under control, why anyone would worry about 15 cups a day is beyond me, it's just those damned scare mongers again, I can give up any time I want to....

Enjoy your Sunday I am sure you all deserve it.

Life-less.

I have always lived according to good family values, I hope I know right from wrong and can judge and be judged without fear of retribution. I have always done exactly what has been asked of me in this life and indeed sometimes even more, much more. I have given the better part of my working life to being self employed and running my own business, it started under Margaret Thatcher and is currently languishing under David "dithering" Cameron. So, I guess you could say I have been around and am no fool.
How wrong can you be. Being a fool is not always about trying to make people laugh or jumping on to a trampoline from your garage roof or playing chicken with juggernauts on the Motorway's.
No, being a fool can be a lot more subtle than that, it can take the shape of a simple decision or a wrong turn down a side street, it can be you being very gullible, sincere or even plain soft but either one of these will suffice to put you into the sub category of the heading under "fool".
I have to admit i am strolling into this sub category under the "just too soft" label, i am a huge guy some 6f.1" and an ex rugby man, i am good at self defence and keep fit through work and mountain biking and can sprint and run like a guy half my age, something i enjoy doing, so it would seem very odd wouldn't it that this guy is a bit of a push over. Well, it is odd, but it is also very rare. I don't want confrontation at any price and I will shy away from it where and when I can, call it cowardly if you like but I have been taught that you listen to people and allow them to have an opinion and base your decision on what they want and think. To those of you with a little more aggression this must seem a ridiculous position for a big lad to take but it's me and I am finding it ever increasingly difficult to stay afloat amongst the sharks and opinionated selfish people out there, in short it's something I am ill-equipped to fight as size counts for nothing in this battle, only the sharpness of your tongue and your will to have everything your way or none at all, sadly elements of life that i lack.
 Am I resigned therefore to such inequality?. Well time and tide will tell as it sits uncomfortable with me for the first time in my life and it's past time to start making decisions that suit me. Unpopular as it may be.

Watch this space. x

Advice for the heart.

Never write while angry or when upset. The rule of thumb all who aspire to write should adhere to, but sometimes the passion rules the pen and you end up printing something you may well live to regret at a later date.
I feel at the moment like screaming to the tree tops how i feel and what has befallen me over the last few hours but the gentleman in me says keep it to yourself. I have a few very trusted friends who will know what i mean here but they are very few.  In reality you have to sit down, take some of the grief on board and start over. Letting it eat you and destroy your thought process is a major mistake, it is far better that you chat with those trusted friends and get back out into the world so that you can re-evaluate just what the implications of what has happened really are and so deal with it.
It doesn't matter how nice you are to people or how you treat each one that comes along, life is far from fair and however good your intentions remember they are the pavement to hell.  I am fortunate to be someone born with a sense of right and wrong, i have my parents to thank for that, but in the current climate it holds little water and is in fact considered a weakness. How very sad. How very alone it will leave those who are able to worry about others without thinking about it as I know first hand.
If i was to offer some advice on this subject it would be to not act rashly, take it all on the chin and let it wash over you because it's coming whether you like it or not, take a stroll, get back into the normal groove of life no matter how much that hurts and make sure you get amongst good people that you trust and know well. That way you get back to normality a bit quicker and it will allow you precious time to actually put it all in perspective.
As you may be right in thinking, this is what i did today, the first reaction is always the pre-cursor to the tidal wave of emotions but you have to sit tight and not lose your bottle.  I am OK with where i am at the moment, not happy admittedly but i wasn't that happy beforehand so i have little to worry about in reality.

Tomorrow is another day and remember always that you are you, there is no-one else that comes close x

All That I See.

The innocence of that which greets my eyes
From swirling willow led a merry dance by summer's breeze
To Swallow's resting weary wings on thermals lofty rise
The sky a deepest blue the sun so high that scarce a shadow falls
And distant cry of sheep that haunt the valley's twisting spine
God's would bow their heads to all that here transpires
A sweet calm to quench the thirst of nature's finest hour.
I have grown with all that lies before me, deeper and richer,
And with that richness comes a wealth that few will ever know.











  

The Sunday Roast

Sunday morning here in Shropshire, the street outside in the small Town I live in is deathly quiet. It's something I don't often get to see as I am usually long gone to work or some other "pressing" task that requires my undivided attention immediately. Lay here in bed with my laptop on my knees I find myself wondering just why we have to do so many things in life at such break neck speeds?.
We have targets for everything, be it patients in the hospitals or children in our schools, we find ourselves at the mercy of schedules that must be met. But, just why do we do this? Does it enrich our lives to be striving for targets that are invariably never met thus provoking in depth searches for the reasons why?, I seriously doubt it. I think our main problems today arise from wanting more and more and expecting it. Then when we get disappointed we start searching for answers, the truth is life is full of disappointments, tragedy, fun, love, you name it it's in there and because we are so used to a "pill" for everything it comes as a harsh reality when one is not available. Working to schedules is in reality a necessary evil, without at least the basic of targets we would never get anything completed but my interest here is why we have to have so many committee's and sub-committee's to look over us while we do it, surely if a target is not met the person involved can work out what went wrong and why?.. or perhaps big brother really is trying to make us all perfect !.

Yet again this Sunday the papers lead with a public figure facing charges for heinous crimes that were supposedly committed some while ago. Of late so many of our "heroes" of television and the like have been exposed as underage child abusers and sex pests it's little wonder we as a nation are becoming less and less trusting of what we are told by such 'icons', too often pleas of innocence outside a courtroom are followed a few months later by a full confession or at least partial charges being admitted and it's beginning to shock us less and less.
I have to admit, I find the whole celebrity thing astonishing. I can never see what gives a person who acts or plays a sport well for instance the right to preach to us all about their views, like their profession gives them a wisdom beyond their years?.  The truth is celebrity status means you get your voice heard and as we are seeing at the moment even the true icons are sometimes nothing but dirty old men or perverts, thus underlining my astonishment at the air time these people get preaching to us the rights and wrongs of living our own lives, while they 'bite' fellow competitors, take advantage of youngsters supposedly in their care or just down right lie, they are the worst of the worst as far as role models are concerned, the fact most personalities are usually two different people surely means they would be more in line for counselling than the rest of the whole population put together, let alone be allowed airtime to give us advice on how to be the perfect human being.

This week has been quite tough for me, we have a new puppy 12 weeks old and full of life, she is also it seems full of poo. This latter item has been at the forefront of my daily early morning chores, even with newspaper down in her cage she sleeps in at night it has been a most wretched of tasks to carry out. The upshot of all this is I have had no breakfast all week, just a quick cup of coffee and out through the door after the 'mopping up' exercise has been completed. I think for someone who is mechanically minded the sights and smells of a puppy are all a little too overwhelming, we are a tough breed but the smells we are used to are very much softer oil based and as such this new task is wholly unpalatable to our sense of smell.
Anyway, I hope that with some extra training and guidance it will be just a minor distraction from the actual ownership of a wonderful Border collie pup who is as cheeky as it's owner albeit the owner is slightly better house trained!.
One off-shoot of all this is that i have lost weight... not a diet plan i am about to launch on YouTube or make into a DvD just yet, but hell if it works for now i can live with it !.

I wish you all a great week ahead and enjoy the forecasted 'sunny' Bank holiday' !