Homecoming.

The room was dimly lit, a slither of late evening light drawn in by the setting sun lit the far wall of the room in a vertical line on the wall, slowly but surely the line got shorter and shorter as the sun slowly lowered it's head, a distant hum from a mixture of voices and trolleys could be heard in the background, the clatter of old central heating pipes shuddering under their boiling hot load seemed almost calming.  The room had a single bed in it, tucked up against the wall without the light, yet a warm glow came from the bed area as a small table top light gave of it's best. The bed was surrounded by wires, tubes, monitoring devices and all manner of paraphernalia congregated around the single person lay motionless under the bed clothes.

Andy lay still. He listened to the noises in the corridor, the central heating pipes,the creaking and groaning, he tried to make out some of the more muffled voices and what they were saying in the corridor, then he would drift off and forget where he was, but deep inside, a cry for help was continually going unanswered, the cries of the human spirit were being cut down like a Lioness strikes her prey to ensure her survival and that of her cubs, it ate at his very flesh and slowly day by day he was losing the warmth from within his bones to this ferocious unrelenting disease, it paid no heed to creed or colour, it simply moved onwards like an army the size of which we could never imagine, like that of a giant's foot that would quell those that dare disturb his vengeful path.  Andy grew weak, his eyes reddened and his face a pale shadow of what was once the glow of youth and all it had to offer. The cancer within Andy was winning. The faceless beast that plays chemical warfare on our bodies had taken hold of Andy and was systematically shutting him down, like a favourite timepiece now forgotten  that slows then eventually stops.
The tick tock of Andy's final hours had begun, he grew weaker and weaker from the drugs that had actually tried to save him, one last bitter irony of this uncaring dragon of a disease. The door to the room slowly clicked and opened, Andy moved just his eyes, he hadn't the energy to move his head . There in front of him stood his wife Sarah and as the door opened wider two little faces could just be made out peering around the corner of Sarah's dress, it was Andy's two daughters Jazzy and Mia, their bright wide eyed smiles in contrast to the pale slowly poisoned body that Andy inhabited, despite this a smile drew across Andy's face as the two little girls' ran towards him and as kid's always do jumped on the bed and kissed and hugged their Dad, Andy winced from the immediate pain he felt from their not so soft landing on his poor broken body, but he didn't let it show.
"Daddy!" came the shout from them both,  they began to talk about what their day had entailed, about what Gran had bought them and how great their new Lego video game was.. but through all this Andy had noticed his beloved wife of 12 years Sarah talking to a Doctor to the one side of the room as the children continued their recital of the day's proceedings, the Doctor was slowly shaking his head and looking to his feet, Sarah's face was angst and a tear was methodically wiped from her eye out of the children's view with military precision, so as not to make them aware of their father's plight.
The conversation stopped and the Dr left the room, Andy was feeling very sleepy now, his two lovely youngsters were becoming a bit of a blur, Andy tried desperately to keep his focus on his beloved Sarah but the sheer hard work of keeping his eyes open was too much for him to overcome as desperate as he was to chat and listen to his two little girls he could keep his eyes open no longer.
 At that point, though he didn't know it, Andy was gone.
 That unforgiving disease that knows no earthly boundaries had used it's full arsenal of weapons on Andy and had taken yet another poor soul from this Earth, yet in such bitter twist of irony he had ensured it's own demise at the same time, as by dying Andy had at last won the battle, but lost the war.
The room fell silent, the two little girls slid off the bed as Mummy said "Daddy wanted to sleep now", another strategically hidden tear rolled down Mummy's face, this time it was much harder to get away with. They left the room and the door closed with a clunk.
On the far wall the long strip of light emulated the room's only occupant by slowly being engulfed by the darkness, much as Andy had been engulfed by that dreadful disease. Then, save for the odd footsteps outside and the sound of central heating pipes still carrying out their noisy task, the room fell silent.

Partners in time.

No man is an Island.  Wise words indeed, but equally true about the fairer sex, coping on your own with anything, big or small is made all the more tough by doing it single handed.  So why is it that so many couples split these days and then try and make sense of their lives afterwards?. Surely it would be simpler to work through issues before they became major issues?.
If only life were that simple.
The pace of life dictates how much time you actually get to sit down and chat with your spouse/partner and the facts are that life's pace at its present level for many is unsustainable, so despite all their best intentions couples will split simply because they do not get the quality of time together that sustains a relationship.
Many years ago the two day weekend was a fact. No-one worked on Saturdays except emergency services and shift workers of which there were few, but at the present moment in time Saturday's are carte blanche with the odd Sunday or two thrown in for good measure.
This scenario leads to overwork, tiredness, pressure and even guilt for not being with your off-spring etc. In turn the partner at home can feel isolated and alone and also have such thoughts as "they love work more than me", it is human nature and it is contributing to many rocky patches and break-ups quite simply because no-one gets time to actually talk.
As a society, we are all guilty of wanting 24 hour access to all amenities, we want petrol/diesel, groceries,clothes,tires,cars etc etc so in turn shops employ at the weekend, traditionally the sacrosanct family time, but it's now been eaten away by our 24 hour need for items and the more we employ the less family time we get, the more pressure we get on relationships and family units, its a vicious circle.
Do I have the answer?.. absolutely not, as I too have to work very hard to make ends meet and as such I find myself sat alone writing to everyone about this subject in an empty house on Easter Sunday, a victim of the very needs i have just spoken of, having not seen my off-spring for days the very afternoon I am free they are with the in-laws because they issued a decree for lunch that is rarely ignored. Can I blame her? no not really, all we see of one another is hello-goodbye, so she is hardly going to sit and wait at home for me to return as and when. So, as you see, I have no answer to the stresses on family life that the burden of 24 hour work brings upon us, but one thing I am sure about and that is that as long as we keep increasing the work load on those that will actually work hard for a living the more marriage problems will occur and no matter what politicians preach, those facts won't change, we are caught in a hamster's wheel of misfortune. I am now going to make myself a cup of coffee, grab some toast for lunch and try and take things easy for at least an afternoon as tomorrow (you guessed it) it may be a bank holiday but i have to work and so the cycle continues.... if i make it to old age perhaps i may write a book about it.

Father and Son.

Did we see eye to eye?
Did we find that bond that never breaks?
Or has time just softened all those hopes and ideas?
Now I walk alone in daylight hours
Left with thoughts in night time's cloak
Were they growing pains of Father and Son
Or blood stained anarchy in the end?
Now the talk is all but settled
You lay resting in eternal peace
But those thoughts still form my shadow
So did I hear, or fake a deafness
And tried to prove my worth?
And did you ever know the truth
That you could never be replaced at all
For if you did it never showed
But I will live all your tomorrow's
Install that pride that was never felt
That is all that's left to give
Your freedom through a spirit soars
That softens blows brought with your absence
I can fly, you taught me well.

The Sunday Roast

Being in my forties, I remember The Virginian, 3-2-1, World Of Sport on a Saturday with wrestling from Big Daddy and Kendo Nagasaki, Giant Haystacks and Skippy washed down with a bit of Thunderbirds. I remember playing in woods and riding my bike for miles, building 'dens' from hay bales and using apples as missiles to throw at one another while you "took cover" behind a tree.
I remember getting £5 a week for helping the local farmer load bales on to a trailer, (the ride home on top of the bales was always brilliant!), I remember long hot summers where the only thoughts were the things you were going to do the next day...
We swung from trees with make-shift rope swings, we jumped in rivers, we made "tunnels" in straw ricks, we used huge knives to cut the top off a swede and throw it in the trailer as the trailer moved slowly along, the "dangers" we got ourselves in to were endless..
Or, were they?. Wasn't that just the process of growing up and learning that our next generation will never see?. The only technology I had was a small transistor radio with a rather dodgy PP3 battery that i hid under my pillow and listened to Radio Luxembourg on as it whistled and wavered around (usually more so in the middle of your favourite song)!, it was a secret pleasure that your parents didn't understand, they grew up on Frankie Valle and Jim Reeves how could they get John Lennon and Procul Harem?, in fact it was on that very same dodgy radio that i heard of the fatal shooting of John Lennon, even then i can remember shedding a tear...
The facts are that I didn't miss out on any opportunities, even though I had little or nothing in those days, some Tonka toys and a few Corgi and Dinky cars and that was me.. as it was for many in our row of council houses where i grew up. I sometimes sit and watch my 6 year old boy and 9 year old girl play with something new they have had for being excellent scholars, which indeed they are, though Lord knows who they get it from, they don't get it from their Dad! and i watch as they slowly get bored with the new arrival and hey presto they go back to reading a fun book or grabbing the Wii controller for another battle with Planet Zorg or such like.
 The truth and the sad part is, we encourage our kids to see material wealth, as young as my two are they see their social standing in the class room relative to their new gadgets. What a shame, how could we as a generation that grew up with nothing be so free and easy with what we give our kids?. The answer is simple, it's BECAUSE we had nothing that we want our kids to have everything we can afford. It's like we are reliving our childhoods with money to spend, but the reality is we are wrecking our own kids lives by ignoring the very thing we always came up against... parents saying no.
 The most worrying aspect in all this for me is the assumption that there are no losers, brought on by an extremely ill conceived wishy-washy liberal policy that "all children are winners", clearly they are not and indeed never can be. To induce such a theory in young minds is to set them up for the fall of a lifetime in the real world when they suddenly realise they are NOT good enough and have failed in some way, try explaining that to a rather indignant 19 year old.
So, despite my harsh upbringing and lessons in life that were learned on the hoof, somehow i survived to tell this tale, I have experience that the kids of today will never ever get the chance to see, how many 7 year old's do you know that were plonked on to a tractor seat, the tractor put into gear for them and the mower started up while being told to "drive around the field and cut the thistles but don't go too close to the river bank"..with no roll cage or safety cab and no emergency stop button ..?  the answer is simple, none of them.
That little episode began my lifelong fascination with machinery that exists today, how strange a mix, a writing mechanic, I still laugh at people who talk to me in the yard at work when in my overalls, expecting a Daily Sport conversation, the fact is I can talk Daily Sport and I can talk The Times, I can witter away in French and then in broad Shropshire, quote Latin phrases yet swear like a trooper. In case you hadn't guessed I am in constant battle with who i actually am, a Grammar school educated truck driver/farmer/businessman/Technician/salesman/writer/poet... or whatever else you wish me to be. If it was needed to be done i did it, I didn't look around for help i just got on with it and if there is one thing that worries me about our next generation it is that by the time they have waited for someone to come and do it for them...life will have passed them by, what a sad state of affairs that really is.


Dave James.

Right here right now.

The multi-layered tumbling fields
Cascade into the distant hills
Sweetest scent of summer's fayre
Carried like the wind's own breath
The warming Midday sun still rises
This morning's dew is on the run
The Willow's branches swirling twisting
Like layered gown that's caught the breeze
The sounds of Summer all encompassed
No man made Sonnet dare compete
My senses fed at Nature's table
No finer banquet e'er relinquished
I dine with King's that need no crowns.

Lost?.

Must I keep silent shed no tears
For all that life has brought?

Keep feelings hidden through the years
Ignore the life I sought?

Wretched is the tortured soul
That finds no place called home

A destiny awaits so cold
A lifetime spent alone.

That wild endurance nature's gift
Held tight while youth prevailed

But then released once more adrift
Like Ship without it's sails

The choice to wonder take a chance
Thus wrenched from where i stood

My time to live my time to dance
It seems now gone for good.

A lesson learned a song now sung
Repent a life forsaken

A foot that stayed on bottom rung
My chances never taken.

Carousel

I can never be that youth again
That carefree erstwhile being
Life sails upon a one way street
The sights just once we're seeing

And while we dance as Spring appears
Sure Winter takes our breath
No respect or recompense
And signs our card with death

Days gone by when body willed
Our spirits then to soar
Now lost in shattered innocence
As age takes all before.

The greying hair the aching limbs
No shelter from this storm,
It's stark and personal message
Written on our human form.

But walk again in fields of corn
Enjoy all you can be
Upon that carousel of life
It's thoughts will set you free.

Anything but the weather.

If only you could keep that "first coffee" feeling for the whole day.  I guess a lot of us would get very little done if that were actually feasible, as we would sit and stare into space for hours instead of those few minutes we snatch for ourselves before heading for work.
This week was as diverse as ever for me, though I try and stave off talking about the things I have done I have to admit even for me, this week was encapsulated by a whole list of diverse extremities.

As those of you who follow me on Twitter @DaveJames_ you will know I have been involved in a huge battle to stop our beloved Primary School here in Craven Arms being side lined to a "sponsored academy" for those of you not familiar with the term or the idea it is the amalgamation of teaching staff, resources and governors into one collective and even worse one identity. A little like Westminster with less fingers in the pot.
This idea from Michael Gove who is Minister for Education is laudable as it seeks to rid us of failing schools and poor teaching, which in itself I am all for. But, this is politics, (so there has to be a but), the "one size fits all" concept can never work, there are always local issues that mean a master plan such as this can only ever be considered a guideline not a stipulation, thus I have just unravelled one of the all time weaknesses of politics, not all their ideas work.
As we speak the number of Academy school's still failing is in double figures, the D of E is trying to bribe school's with up to £60k of much needed funds to become Academies and even Mr Gove's own MP's the length and breadth of the country are refusing to support the act. This, is still not enough to stop Mr Gove on his blinkered track, he has the "Poll Tax" mentality and is set on a course to change the structure of every school in the Country, but we all know what the "Poll Tax did for the Iron Lady, so a little caution would be a wise career move I think Mr Gove.
Anyway, the upshot of all this is we had a meeting with our MP the Rt Hon Mr Philip Dunne this week. We (The Governing body) sat around the table at the school with the staff and discussed our concerns and issues and he listened and offered some very wise words. Yes, I did say that. The man was genuinely concerned about our plight and listened intently, there was an element of political manoeuvring in his speech but all in all he made a very lasting impression of a local man in tune with local issues, but then again Mr Philip Dunne MP is also a businessman with a proven track record of success and therein lies the key to a successful politician, something No.10 is so so sadly lacking and it shows almost daily.
 The result for our school is a reprieve until the end of the summer term where our destiny is once again in our own hands, it is the best we really could have hoped for. I will keep you informed!.

This week will see the launch of a new venture in Craven Arms, I am working alongside a heavy vehicle recovery specialist in Mid-Wales and setting up our own pilot outlet rescuing heavy vehicles in the South of Shropshire, please don't ask why i have taken this on as i couldn't give you an answer that would actually make sense. Anyway, it's happening and we will move to a 24/7 state of alert. This is very much uncharted territory for me and i will be very dependent on my staff, who thankfully are excellent but I am just a little more than daunted by the prospect of such a venture. It is excellent news for the Town as it will surely lead to more employment opportunities and in some ways that should bring a cheer to my cold cheeks, but being a businessman as well i am also very aware of the responsibilities that follow.
 While all the above was cooking on full steam i also managed to sell 4 vehicles this week, something that I am quite proud of as I was already engaged in fighting for the local school, setting up the recovery business, managing our tyre company and overseeing and negotiating a new lease for the yard we occupy as well as some alterations and building work, not bad considering my female friends continually remind me that men don't multi-task, if you don't mind ladies, in my case I beg to differ!. (still ducks as he hears "incoming!").

Enjoy your Sunday and i shall try not to indulge myself with rantings of my own life and times next week, it's just been a week where the weather has dominated everything and i refuse point blank to talk about the weather.
 Heaven forbid.

Dave James.

The price of thoughtful solitude.

Does anyone ever have your back? You know, not just stick up for you in an argument but really have your back and be there when the chips aren't just down but spread all over the floor?. I am sure there are a few of you jumping up and down ever so excited desperately ready to tell me about your partner or your best friend or even spouse who has done exactly that, been there come what may.
But, as in all things in life not everyone is so lucky. Some have no-one to catch them if they falter or fall, indeed quite a few have managed so well on their own for so long they don't actually NEED such a willing friend. That is fine and I am sure they are very strong willed independent focused and totally dedicated to whatever career or pastime they do. But what if you are one of those without the confidence to tackle everything that comes at you?, what if you are outwardly strong and seemingly in control of everything in your life yet inside desperately trying to steer the course the ship sails?.

Well as the latter in this equation I think I can answer that question.
As a man it is customary not to express your doubts and fears in public, in fact in Shropshire my home County it is positively frowned upon, the risk of teasing and ridicule is all too credible if you are discovered having a sensitive side to your personality, so to openly admit it would surely mean social suicide!.
Well, that's where the theory stands, but for me the reality is somewhat different as many of the locals know i write and apart from the odd huddled whisper in the corner of the local bar I am pretty much accepted as "reasonably normal" and trust me in Shropshire that's almost an A star rating!.
Going back to the question posed at the start of this piece I have to admit I feel very isolated at times due to the very nature of the businesses I run, they have a high general public turnover so in reality I have to adorn a face for the public as much as any actor would ever do, yet my performances usually last well over 12 hours at a time seven days a week. During that time you are at the beck and call of all those who seek your attention be it good or bad and oh, while you are at it don't forget to smile...
That last remark was very much tongue in cheek, sometimes the general public can test the patience of a Saint..and sometimes they are wonderful people with a lovely attitude and interesting to chat with, the highs and lows are huge in the job but overall it can actually be quite pleasant.
So, has anyone got my back?. The acute answer is no, it could never happen because of my diverse and busy lifestyle, does it matter?.. in reality i guess not because regardless of the problem i am presented with i still jump the hurdle no matter how high and this is true of nearly all the small businessmen and women i know.
 So if next time you drive through our little County Town and you see a Tyre Company boss laughing and joking with the customers and seemingly on top of his game, tap him on the shoulder and say "sit there a minute Dave, I will make you a coffee and we can talk about your latest written work and shoot the breeze while someone else answers the phone and deals with the customers... now that would be the person who in my opinion would definitely have my back .....!!

Trouble at t'mill

I had a very interesting conversation with a divorced woman in the yard today. She was very polite and had brought her car in with a fault. While i was plugging the car in to the diagnostic computer she started to chat, she said life was tough going at the moment as she was recently divorced and had an offspring at college and she needed a lot of support which she was finding hard to cover. I naturally struck up a conversation with her as i believe being polite costs nothing at all.
"Does your ex help with the bills?"
"Oh he does quite a bit but its still bloody hard going"
came the reply.
"Oh right, so he is doing his bit?"
"Well actually yes, but the stupidest thing is i speak to a few women my age who have frozen their hubby out as soon as the kids are born, even KNOW they are doing it yet still do and now the kids have grown they realise they have no kids and no husband and it comes as a bit of a shock"
"You are not being serious?" i replied surprised
"Oh i bloody well am, we women are programmed to look after the kids and hubby just gets in the way"
"You will have the women's rights movement up in arms talking like that" i laughed with her,
"Well all I can tell you is that when the reality of the kids leaving home hits you then you need that soul mate to help you back to earth and for many of my friends HE isn't around"
"That's very sad for all concerned" I said rather pitifully
"Well i can assure you it's true, we are born as mothers and when kids are born it sets off all sorts of hormones, none of which are conducive to a healthy relationship."

This conversation stuck with me all day. I thought just how sad it was that here was the perfect example of not knowing what you have until it's gone i.e the relationship. I have heard of this kind of behaviour before but never witnessed it first hand or in fact from the thoughts of a woman who was obviously well educated and certainly no fool.
We guys do get a bum deal sometimes but we do bring a lot of it on ourselves by getting into a rut with life.
As guys we tend to look at work as the "be all and end all" and we deserve some time out at the weekend or after work because we put so much time in. Women see their task as a mother to be without time limits and therefore insist they are the harder worker of the two.
Well, truth is, they are both right, men do like some time out when they have been at work, but women on the other hand do get stressed by the kids as it's a very full on job which means both parties are deserving of some TLC.
So, to pick sides would be wrong, but to see each others point of view is ultimately the right answer. This seldom occurs however and it usually escalates into a full blown tit for tat war, where, as you rightly guess there are no winners but the divorce lawyers.
I have to admit I know quite a few career orientated women and they are brilliant to deal with and have a fantastic attitude, but I also realised when thinking about it today that the majority had not settled down to a family life.. now that IS a controversial subject and maybe just coincidence but I am certainly not going to debate that topic !!