It is often said that one views past experiences through rose coloured spectacles and it is a fact that as we grow older it always seems that the past was always so much better than the present here and now. Sometimes, this may be the case, in my heart I know that even if I live another 50 years my visit last week to the Highland retreat inspired and run by the Arvon Foundation for new writers will remain one of the highlights in my life.
I sit here now with the rain beating against the windows and the wind howling outside while a small Scotch sits patiently to my left. The fire is crackling and spitting away in the background as it's heat penetrates the coldest of drafts and leaves them scurrying from whence they emerged. In short, it is a night for writing and thinking, both of which just happen to be pastimes I am passionate about.
Anyway, I digress, back to Moniack and Morag's closing talk during our Tuesday morning class.
"In short, believe in YOU and remember that bad writing is better than NO writing"
As she said that i wondered if she had already clasped eyes on some of the work I had submitted, the little voices inside my head doing overtime as usual!. Everyone was inspired after that first meeting, it's fair to say that there was a real buzz from what Morag had said to us, it's always the sign of a good teacher when you can receive critical comments about where you should be yet still be inspired to take on board all that you are being told and then act on it. Morag had that ability and also a passion for the written word and the correct use of it in large quantities, we were lucky to have her here.
We broke for lunch and all headed for the kitchen where a lovely light buffet was laid on for us by the housekeepers, again the food was excellent and the range impossibly good for the time they had to prepare it, I settled down to pate and toast with a side salad which was just perfect. A glass of red followed and that made it even better if that was possible. Our attention was then drawn to a notice board by Morag which had all our names on and a time against it. She explained that when the time against our name duly arrived we were to head down to the cottage where either she or John Aberdein (the second tutor) would duly ask us what our aspirations were for the week and what we were expecting from the course. We all looked at one another terrified and immediately sat down with our lunch and almost to a person grabbed a pen and started writing and making notes!.
My appointment wasnt until three'o'clock in the afternoon so i took the opportunity to grab a quick shower as it was quite warm in the dining room and it was a great way to freshenen up, when i returned the room was very quiet as all the students had got their heads down preparing stuff that they would share with their tutor, not for the first time in the early part of the course did i feel a little out of it as the 'confident Mr James' had already got lots and lots of things to show his tutor and was sure they would be impressed at just how much work i had done in the past.
Three 'o'clock came around and i duly walked down to the seperate cottage that sat just below the main house, there was a large log store on the end of it with a sheet iron roof with logs stacked up against the house wall like an old stone wall that had been constructed with purpose and thought, the cottage itself was painted bright white with small windows that looked out across the Highlands like a shepherd would cast an eye on his flock, not to hinder, just to check all was Ok.
I knocked and walked in and there was Morag sat there with some of my work and John with some paperwork in his hand,
'so', Morag said calmly, "what do you want from this course?"
"To be honest Morag, I am stuck, my writing has become laboured, boring and I am struggling to get anything moving with any purpose, I want to find something new out of my poetry and then I have a book to write"
"If you want opinion I think you have had success too early and it has clouded the way you think" she said in a matter of fact way.
" I think you are absolutely right" I found myself bleating out almost straight away, "in fact I am almost a little flipant with my attitude and I need to get back to what pleases me not the audience".
Morag smiled a very warm smile, "You have so many cliches in what you have written, it has no edge and although you have an audience, I sense it's not where you want to be or that it's what you want from your writing".
I was overjoyed at what I was hearing, here I was miles from home, surrounded by complete strangers being criticised but also being told exactly what I wanted to here, this is what I had come to Moniack for, valid criticism and an honest opinion. Morag apologised "I am sorry if it's a bit of a hard comment to make but it needs saying", I was amazed that she thought there was a need to apaologise, "far from it Morag" I said still bubbling from the fact that at last I could get the critical honest opinion I had been seeking for so long, "far from it, I am happy that you have seen my work and have told me mostly what I already know, I have become far too comfortable in what i have been writing and i have just been churning out the same stuff time and again, cliches and all".
With that, I was set a task to write something fresh and new about a happy visitor to the highland retreat and a sad one also.
As usual the "confident Mr James" couldnt wait to show his new mentor just how good he was at putting a poem together and I left the room full of hope and confidence that I could more than deliver the goods, I walked up the path from the cottage towards the main house and came across Hannah and Chris having a quick ciggy break.
"How did it go?" Chris asked inquisitively
"I got my wrist slapped" says I,
"seems my writing has a few too many cliches in it..which is what i wanted to hear uncannily" says I.
"think it's time I had a glass of wine, you up for one?" I reproached,
"Think we will wait until we have seen the tutors!" came the dual reply almost at once, thinking about it that made perfect sense!.
I went almost immediately in to the house and grabbed my coat and slipped out of the front door and unlocked the truck and grabbed my walking boots and had a walk up the drive to the top road, where the view was simply stunning yet always seemed different. I said to Chris during the stay that the Highlands never seem to give you the same view twice, it's either foggy or cloudy or rain storms cover part of the mountains etc it's a continually rotating kaleidoscope of colour and silhouettes that are never still yet always beautiful and continually draw thoughts from your mind like a medium that requires no payment, it is completely without equal. I stood there again and just took in all that was before me, I would usually say at this point I was inspired, but that was not the case, it was a calming influence that filled me with a sense of my own worth and just how small my own contribution to this world really was, but that I still mattered.
It is a rule on Arvon courses that each student cooks at least once while on a course for their fellow students, we would be split up in to groups of roughly 4 and given ingredients and menu's and told to get on with it, the ever present in the background Malcolm however always helped out with making sure we had all we needed, a truly wonderful gent he was and he had the patience of a saint!.
Tonight Mages,Isobel, Nuala and I believe Rachel would cook for us, when I got back in from my walk i had gathered inspiration to write and noticed as i walked in to the kitchen this wonderful smell of baking hit me straight away, it was a wonderful rich smell of home cooked food just like I used to get when visiting my grandparents farm and entering the kitchen area, it took me back to a very bygone age and left me feeling very calm and chilled which in retrospect was not the best place to be when trying to write something new for an acclaimed author, more of which later.
Dinner was duly served at 7 pm and it was a feast fit for any mortal soul, it was fantastic and immediately got a huge round of applause from all of us in the room, we dined like kings and we scoffed on literature for the rest of the evening, truly it was a time of enrichment and great joy just to be amongst so many like-minded souls. During the evening John asked the group what book had we read that we most remembered and at once my lack of reading good books over the past few years again came to haunt me. When asked I spluttered a little and actually said that I was a philistine when it came to reading as my business life had taken so much out of me, but if i was asked which book had i most remembered reading from my childhood i said well, to be honest it was "Worzel Gummidge"... I expected a huge amount of laughter and a look of dismay on the faces of my fellow house guests and especially the tutors but I was forgetting this was Arvon, where you could just be honest, just be you. Hannah blurted out "ooooh I remember that!" and John nodded appreciatively, "well that is what it's all about, it's about what book has left an impression on you or you remember, it's not a contest". Once again I was amazed at being accepted so readily and not being the outcast, John had backed me up immediately and I was just amazed at the honesty and compassion shown by everyone in the room, Arvon had taught me a lesson that humility and honesty are the most important things a person can be granted.
Our gracious tutors answered question after question that night, about their careers and what made them tick, how they came across subjects for their writing and how they managed to write so very well, it must have been very tiresome for them both but not once did they show it, in fact they stayed up late with us as a group and contributed to the evenings conversation with the patience and understanding that one would normally expect from a parent such was their attention to their new students, yet again I was humbled at just how much this course was teaching me, not just about my passion for writing but also just how good this course was at bringing the real person to the surface.
I retired to my bed a very happy relaxed man, having completed a huge chunk of my homework i took my laptop to bed and continued writing in to the small hours, grasping inspiration from my previous walk during the day, I penned what i thought would be a sure fire winner of a poem and then backed it up with another one that would not only gain me applause from the Nation but also a Pulitzer prize at the very least!...and it had all been done in under 2 hours!..how good was I?.
Tomorrow I would find out the truth...
To be continued...
I sit here now with the rain beating against the windows and the wind howling outside while a small Scotch sits patiently to my left. The fire is crackling and spitting away in the background as it's heat penetrates the coldest of drafts and leaves them scurrying from whence they emerged. In short, it is a night for writing and thinking, both of which just happen to be pastimes I am passionate about.
Anyway, I digress, back to Moniack and Morag's closing talk during our Tuesday morning class.
"In short, believe in YOU and remember that bad writing is better than NO writing"
As she said that i wondered if she had already clasped eyes on some of the work I had submitted, the little voices inside my head doing overtime as usual!. Everyone was inspired after that first meeting, it's fair to say that there was a real buzz from what Morag had said to us, it's always the sign of a good teacher when you can receive critical comments about where you should be yet still be inspired to take on board all that you are being told and then act on it. Morag had that ability and also a passion for the written word and the correct use of it in large quantities, we were lucky to have her here.
We broke for lunch and all headed for the kitchen where a lovely light buffet was laid on for us by the housekeepers, again the food was excellent and the range impossibly good for the time they had to prepare it, I settled down to pate and toast with a side salad which was just perfect. A glass of red followed and that made it even better if that was possible. Our attention was then drawn to a notice board by Morag which had all our names on and a time against it. She explained that when the time against our name duly arrived we were to head down to the cottage where either she or John Aberdein (the second tutor) would duly ask us what our aspirations were for the week and what we were expecting from the course. We all looked at one another terrified and immediately sat down with our lunch and almost to a person grabbed a pen and started writing and making notes!.
My appointment wasnt until three'o'clock in the afternoon so i took the opportunity to grab a quick shower as it was quite warm in the dining room and it was a great way to freshenen up, when i returned the room was very quiet as all the students had got their heads down preparing stuff that they would share with their tutor, not for the first time in the early part of the course did i feel a little out of it as the 'confident Mr James' had already got lots and lots of things to show his tutor and was sure they would be impressed at just how much work i had done in the past.
Three 'o'clock came around and i duly walked down to the seperate cottage that sat just below the main house, there was a large log store on the end of it with a sheet iron roof with logs stacked up against the house wall like an old stone wall that had been constructed with purpose and thought, the cottage itself was painted bright white with small windows that looked out across the Highlands like a shepherd would cast an eye on his flock, not to hinder, just to check all was Ok.
I knocked and walked in and there was Morag sat there with some of my work and John with some paperwork in his hand,
'so', Morag said calmly, "what do you want from this course?"
"To be honest Morag, I am stuck, my writing has become laboured, boring and I am struggling to get anything moving with any purpose, I want to find something new out of my poetry and then I have a book to write"
"If you want opinion I think you have had success too early and it has clouded the way you think" she said in a matter of fact way.
" I think you are absolutely right" I found myself bleating out almost straight away, "in fact I am almost a little flipant with my attitude and I need to get back to what pleases me not the audience".
Morag smiled a very warm smile, "You have so many cliches in what you have written, it has no edge and although you have an audience, I sense it's not where you want to be or that it's what you want from your writing".
I was overjoyed at what I was hearing, here I was miles from home, surrounded by complete strangers being criticised but also being told exactly what I wanted to here, this is what I had come to Moniack for, valid criticism and an honest opinion. Morag apologised "I am sorry if it's a bit of a hard comment to make but it needs saying", I was amazed that she thought there was a need to apaologise, "far from it Morag" I said still bubbling from the fact that at last I could get the critical honest opinion I had been seeking for so long, "far from it, I am happy that you have seen my work and have told me mostly what I already know, I have become far too comfortable in what i have been writing and i have just been churning out the same stuff time and again, cliches and all".
With that, I was set a task to write something fresh and new about a happy visitor to the highland retreat and a sad one also.
As usual the "confident Mr James" couldnt wait to show his new mentor just how good he was at putting a poem together and I left the room full of hope and confidence that I could more than deliver the goods, I walked up the path from the cottage towards the main house and came across Hannah and Chris having a quick ciggy break.
"How did it go?" Chris asked inquisitively
"I got my wrist slapped" says I,
"seems my writing has a few too many cliches in it..which is what i wanted to hear uncannily" says I.
"think it's time I had a glass of wine, you up for one?" I reproached,
"Think we will wait until we have seen the tutors!" came the dual reply almost at once, thinking about it that made perfect sense!.
I went almost immediately in to the house and grabbed my coat and slipped out of the front door and unlocked the truck and grabbed my walking boots and had a walk up the drive to the top road, where the view was simply stunning yet always seemed different. I said to Chris during the stay that the Highlands never seem to give you the same view twice, it's either foggy or cloudy or rain storms cover part of the mountains etc it's a continually rotating kaleidoscope of colour and silhouettes that are never still yet always beautiful and continually draw thoughts from your mind like a medium that requires no payment, it is completely without equal. I stood there again and just took in all that was before me, I would usually say at this point I was inspired, but that was not the case, it was a calming influence that filled me with a sense of my own worth and just how small my own contribution to this world really was, but that I still mattered.
It is a rule on Arvon courses that each student cooks at least once while on a course for their fellow students, we would be split up in to groups of roughly 4 and given ingredients and menu's and told to get on with it, the ever present in the background Malcolm however always helped out with making sure we had all we needed, a truly wonderful gent he was and he had the patience of a saint!.
Tonight Mages,Isobel, Nuala and I believe Rachel would cook for us, when I got back in from my walk i had gathered inspiration to write and noticed as i walked in to the kitchen this wonderful smell of baking hit me straight away, it was a wonderful rich smell of home cooked food just like I used to get when visiting my grandparents farm and entering the kitchen area, it took me back to a very bygone age and left me feeling very calm and chilled which in retrospect was not the best place to be when trying to write something new for an acclaimed author, more of which later.
Dinner was duly served at 7 pm and it was a feast fit for any mortal soul, it was fantastic and immediately got a huge round of applause from all of us in the room, we dined like kings and we scoffed on literature for the rest of the evening, truly it was a time of enrichment and great joy just to be amongst so many like-minded souls. During the evening John asked the group what book had we read that we most remembered and at once my lack of reading good books over the past few years again came to haunt me. When asked I spluttered a little and actually said that I was a philistine when it came to reading as my business life had taken so much out of me, but if i was asked which book had i most remembered reading from my childhood i said well, to be honest it was "Worzel Gummidge"... I expected a huge amount of laughter and a look of dismay on the faces of my fellow house guests and especially the tutors but I was forgetting this was Arvon, where you could just be honest, just be you. Hannah blurted out "ooooh I remember that!" and John nodded appreciatively, "well that is what it's all about, it's about what book has left an impression on you or you remember, it's not a contest". Once again I was amazed at being accepted so readily and not being the outcast, John had backed me up immediately and I was just amazed at the honesty and compassion shown by everyone in the room, Arvon had taught me a lesson that humility and honesty are the most important things a person can be granted.
Our gracious tutors answered question after question that night, about their careers and what made them tick, how they came across subjects for their writing and how they managed to write so very well, it must have been very tiresome for them both but not once did they show it, in fact they stayed up late with us as a group and contributed to the evenings conversation with the patience and understanding that one would normally expect from a parent such was their attention to their new students, yet again I was humbled at just how much this course was teaching me, not just about my passion for writing but also just how good this course was at bringing the real person to the surface.
I retired to my bed a very happy relaxed man, having completed a huge chunk of my homework i took my laptop to bed and continued writing in to the small hours, grasping inspiration from my previous walk during the day, I penned what i thought would be a sure fire winner of a poem and then backed it up with another one that would not only gain me applause from the Nation but also a Pulitzer prize at the very least!...and it had all been done in under 2 hours!..how good was I?.
Tomorrow I would find out the truth...
To be continued...
