I had a very interesting conversation with a divorced woman in the yard today. She was very polite and had brought her car in with a fault. While i was plugging the car in to the diagnostic computer she started to chat, she said life was tough going at the moment as she was recently divorced and had an offspring at college and she needed a lot of support which she was finding hard to cover. I naturally struck up a conversation with her as i believe being polite costs nothing at all.
"Does your ex help with the bills?"
"Oh he does quite a bit but its still bloody hard going"
came the reply.
"Oh right, so he is doing his bit?"
"Well actually yes, but the stupidest thing is i speak to a few women my age who have frozen their hubby out as soon as the kids are born, even KNOW they are doing it yet still do and now the kids have grown they realise they have no kids and no husband and it comes as a bit of a shock"
"You are not being serious?" i replied surprised
"Oh i bloody well am, we women are programmed to look after the kids and hubby just gets in the way"
"You will have the women's rights movement up in arms talking like that" i laughed with her,
"Well all I can tell you is that when the reality of the kids leaving home hits you then you need that soul mate to help you back to earth and for many of my friends HE isn't around"
"That's very sad for all concerned" I said rather pitifully
"Well i can assure you it's true, we are born as mothers and when kids are born it sets off all sorts of hormones, none of which are conducive to a healthy relationship."
This conversation stuck with me all day. I thought just how sad it was that here was the perfect example of not knowing what you have until it's gone i.e the relationship. I have heard of this kind of behaviour before but never witnessed it first hand or in fact from the thoughts of a woman who was obviously well educated and certainly no fool.
We guys do get a bum deal sometimes but we do bring a lot of it on ourselves by getting into a rut with life.
As guys we tend to look at work as the "be all and end all" and we deserve some time out at the weekend or after work because we put so much time in. Women see their task as a mother to be without time limits and therefore insist they are the harder worker of the two.
Well, truth is, they are both right, men do like some time out when they have been at work, but women on the other hand do get stressed by the kids as it's a very full on job which means both parties are deserving of some TLC.
So, to pick sides would be wrong, but to see each others point of view is ultimately the right answer. This seldom occurs however and it usually escalates into a full blown tit for tat war, where, as you rightly guess there are no winners but the divorce lawyers.
I have to admit I know quite a few career orientated women and they are brilliant to deal with and have a fantastic attitude, but I also realised when thinking about it today that the majority had not settled down to a family life.. now that IS a controversial subject and maybe just coincidence but I am certainly not going to debate that topic !!
"Does your ex help with the bills?"
"Oh he does quite a bit but its still bloody hard going"
came the reply.
"Oh right, so he is doing his bit?"
"Well actually yes, but the stupidest thing is i speak to a few women my age who have frozen their hubby out as soon as the kids are born, even KNOW they are doing it yet still do and now the kids have grown they realise they have no kids and no husband and it comes as a bit of a shock"
"You are not being serious?" i replied surprised
"Oh i bloody well am, we women are programmed to look after the kids and hubby just gets in the way"
"You will have the women's rights movement up in arms talking like that" i laughed with her,
"Well all I can tell you is that when the reality of the kids leaving home hits you then you need that soul mate to help you back to earth and for many of my friends HE isn't around"
"That's very sad for all concerned" I said rather pitifully
"Well i can assure you it's true, we are born as mothers and when kids are born it sets off all sorts of hormones, none of which are conducive to a healthy relationship."
This conversation stuck with me all day. I thought just how sad it was that here was the perfect example of not knowing what you have until it's gone i.e the relationship. I have heard of this kind of behaviour before but never witnessed it first hand or in fact from the thoughts of a woman who was obviously well educated and certainly no fool.
We guys do get a bum deal sometimes but we do bring a lot of it on ourselves by getting into a rut with life.
As guys we tend to look at work as the "be all and end all" and we deserve some time out at the weekend or after work because we put so much time in. Women see their task as a mother to be without time limits and therefore insist they are the harder worker of the two.
Well, truth is, they are both right, men do like some time out when they have been at work, but women on the other hand do get stressed by the kids as it's a very full on job which means both parties are deserving of some TLC.
So, to pick sides would be wrong, but to see each others point of view is ultimately the right answer. This seldom occurs however and it usually escalates into a full blown tit for tat war, where, as you rightly guess there are no winners but the divorce lawyers.
I have to admit I know quite a few career orientated women and they are brilliant to deal with and have a fantastic attitude, but I also realised when thinking about it today that the majority had not settled down to a family life.. now that IS a controversial subject and maybe just coincidence but I am certainly not going to debate that topic !!
Handbags at dawn springs to mind. My opinion only is that man goes out to work...provides for wife and children, works just as hard or even harder. A lot of women put their lives on hold for the privilege of staying at home with children. So wheres the problem? Team work is needed in lots of situations and bringing children into the world is no exception. Im sure many dads would love to be stay at home fathers, but for many it is instilled in them that they should provide. Children need both parents! So when it comes to an irretrievable breakdown please remember there is really only one winner...the solicitor! A well executed and controversial subject handled well Mr James.
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