I sat quite still last night (in no small way due to a current back injury) and settled in to watch the Jubilee concert held to celebrate 60 years of hard work by Her Majesty the Queen, admittedly it has been 60 very cosseted and comfortable years, where she has wanted for absolutely nothing, but I wonder just how many of us would really want THAT lifestyle where heir's and grace's are everyday occurrences and you can't break wind without a comment in the newspapers as to how long it lasted and why it happened. Definitely NOT for me that's for sure.
I was also intrigued I must admit, to see just what sort of job Auntie Beeb made of it, after the horrendous fallout from the previous day's boating extravaganza that never actually got off the ground due to some of the worst commentating and even more horrendous production ever witnessed, (apart from Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood at the BRITS that is). So, settled in with a small Scotch (medicinal purposes of course), I watched as Robbie Williams made what can only be described as the perfect start, the crowd were ecstatic and Robbie did exactly what he does best, show off in his own inimitable style. I thought to myself, mmmm this is going to be a good one for sure!.
We then had Will-i-am and if i am honest i am a bit of a Will-i'm-not fan but hey i cant love everyone out there. Jesse-J outshone the pampered pouter Will by a million to one with a voice straight out of the 'you are gonna get this like it or not' school of singing, thus bringing us back on course for a great evening. Gary Barlow then appeared with Cheryl Cole, which brought the proceedings down a notch or two, Gary was his usual smooth, confident self but Cheryl looked like a rabbit caught in front of some car headlights, I thought at any minute she was going to roll up her train and make a run for it, unusual indeed for the normally very confident Ms Cole, perhaps the whole occasion was a little overpowering.
Credit where it is due though, the production and camera work and angles were well up to worldwide standard, obviously Auntie B had pulled her veritable tights up and raised the bar somewhat. Ed Sheeran captivated the whole Country with his wonderful down to earth almost acoustic performance, showing us that quality is best left untouched, while Sir Cliff came along and for the first time, I have to admit the Peter Pan of pop looked a little more Captain Hook than he would like to admit, but his final rendition of 'congratulations' brought the audience to it's feet once more. It would take someone far more qualified than me to explain what came next, Grace Jones... errr well yes, it was exactly what i would expect from her, outrageous and in your face, but what the hell was she doing amongst some of the biggest stars in music ever to grace the planet? What on earth was Gary Barlow thinking when Grace Jones popped into his head ?... I can only take a guess and the answer would probably have to go out after the watershed. This whole performance lasted 3 cringe worthy minutes as the amazing Grace hoopla's, yes you heard it, hoopla's.. her way through 'Slave To the Rhythym'..(indeed we were Grace indeed we were) we were all here showing the world how to party and someone invites Russel Harty's nemesis with the voice of a plumbers mate and the jaw line and body of a female Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nil pwunts Gary.
The old Crooner was up next, still looking sexy and a knockout, Tom Jones brought the standard back up to par, what a voice that man has got !. Delilah was a huge hit with the audience and i am sure we were all singing 'she's only gone and had her Weetabix' the temptation was far too much. JLS meanwhile were the token under 12's entertainment for the night but again I have to say they performed very well even though i am not sure whether Prince Charles was actually compos mentis while they were on.
Rolf Harris that perennial Ozzy favourite of ours who is surely second only to Her Majesty in the country's affections then appeared to a huge round of applause and rightly so, as by now things were getting a little bit deja-vu as far as these things go, lots of back-slapping and compliments, decidedly dodgy comedians jokes read off the auto-cue and too many ego's in the same place to be worth listening to.
Some fantastic opera singing then followed, beautifully produced, then wonderfully executed by Alfie Boe and Renee Fleming, who unfortunately for her was the brunt of one of the worst gags of the night from an otherwise faultless performance by the venerable Rob Brydon. Lenny Henry introduced Her Majesty and was a little close to the knuckle but that's Lenny, but then one of the most disappointing parts of the night came when Rolf was asked to fill in while the Stevie Wonder entourage rebuilt the stage for their own use, Rolf even had Princess Anne singing 'Two Little Boys' word for word while the rest of the audience were held in the cusp of his hand, when Lenny Henry was told to interrupt him because Stevie Wonder was ready. The resounding instant Boo's were as instant and as meaningful as they were deserved and the look on Rolf's face was one of shear disbelief. I sometimes wonder if the backroom production staff are far too time limit orientated to notice the actual crowd they are putting it all together for, if they weren't so time paranoid they would have noticed Rolf had actually got the whole Country's attention and hearts.
Stevie Wonder looked and performed so very very well, the only strange part was Will-I-Am-hereagain getting in on the act, clearly the strangely named over-hyped Howard from the Halifax look-alike crooner holds court in some very high places.
Kylie was exquisite, if understated showing zero sized models exactly why men prefer curves and a nice bottom, while Annie Lennox made an appearance, again I wonder if some of these stars are asked just because they are 'always' there, if that is the case then it's time it was looked at, as the performance of her 'missing an angel' was very 'same old same old' and did nothing to inspire. Then came Elton, well what can one say about Elton?. The country love him and he loves this country. He does so much to inspire and gives thousands to charities across the globe so the guy can do no wrong.
Then as promised we had Madness on the roof of Bucks Palace, Madness could play in the Paris sewers and they would fill the place, so seeing them here was a stroke of genius by our venerable Mr Barlow, he is clearly in tune with how high an esteem this bunch of 'nutty boys' are held in by this wonderful nation of ours hearts and they didn't disappoint and the use of the Palace walls as a screen for the video worked like a Swiss watch with impeccable timing and faultless display, so once more i found myself lifted to the very rafters with a feeling of Britishness long since forgotten i suspect by many of us during these hard recession hit times.
What came next was for me, the Pièce de résistance, a song born from every corner of the Commonwealth produced and written by Gary (again) and his holiness Andrew Lloyd Weber who were both on stage to help perform this wonderful soundtrack to the reign of a Monarch, as inspirational as it was brilliant, it showed the world just who is the best when it comes to songwriting and questioned why as a nation we allow those Eurovision cronies the time of day to dare judge us musically. The whole performance was exquisite and brought a tear to the eye.
Paul McCartney was next up after a huge fan fair and again Paul is held very dear to us all as a nation, his songs along with the other 3 Beatles were the soundtrack to nearly everyone while growing up and he is in any case a great guy in all respects, but and it's here i may suffer the wrath of many with a possible spell in the Tower at Her Majesty's pleasure, I do think the voice is starting to age faster than his music with the vocal performance very much down on par.
Prince Charles then read out a very moving speech to 'mummy' as he called her, though judging by her Majesty's expression to this quip he may be in the same cell as me in the Tower if he says it again!. As expected Queen Elizabeth II stood there and took it all in her stride, she was her usual regal royal self, unfazed and completely at ease while the whole Country gave her a well deserved round of applause.
So all in all was it a success? Of course it was. Though I feel that anyone thinking of putting another huge gig on for the Country for whatever reason may have to look a little deeper into the performers pool to catch a few up and coming stars, as judging by some of the performances and performers on stage at this gig some of them may have already sung their swansong and i for one would be keen to see some new blood filtering through, otherwise when all these huge stars do actually put the microphone away we may have some difficulty filling their shoes, but in the meantime if i was Gary Barlow I would sit back, put the feet up and wait for the invitation from the Palace to drop through the letterbox, got a ring to it 'Sir' Gary don't you think?
