Fanfare for the common man

I don't drink Champagne from a cut crystal glass and my name does not have a hyphen
I don't have a Bidet to splash up my ass or have speeding fines I blame the wife on
I don't argue with cops in a Downing street tiff that cost more than Shropshire's whole budget
I don't get all excited if I'm offered a spliff and my expenses are paid I cant fudge it.

I have common sense that came with my birth, I cant speak with a plum in my mouth,
I watch older men with considerable girth, say we're poorer in North than in South.
But we don't have queues that go on for weeks and up here we talk to each other,
We chat in the pubs and laugh at the heroes you worship on fucking Big Brother.

You build a new railway that nobody wants with money you really don't have,
You think that its clever to splash all our cash, like a legalised bully or Chav.  
So #hs2 is coming our way... well not if you live in the West, one train a day, not going your way,
is still all you pray for at best.
Ignore all the voices that say "please don't do it"... remember how rich you can get?
Lining pockets of gentry with land they were given, by The Normans who ain't finished yet.

The committees you form to pour lots of scorn on how the last government failed,
Cost in excess of the budgets you set, for the whole of Scotland and Wales.
Your schools are failing, the kids are just fucked, so tired their childhood is missed,
While the rest of the services suffer from meddling, I swear I'd do better half pissed.

But look at our people, we shout from each steeple its always the government's doing,
Then we moan at the rules that are made by these fools, but its only ourselves we are screwing
So stop all the moaning and looking for blame, its a terrible American culture
Those scavenging lawyers that sue you for breathing, are a bunch of scavenging vultures.

Will this story of mine that I put into rhyme make a difference? I hardly think not,
For those Southern bred toffs will laugh and they'll scoff, while the rest of us simply just rot.
So fuck all the manners, the nice smiles and spammers, who pester us all night and day,
I will do like you all, just sit moaning and call you all bastards while taking my pay.

All kids are equal, but some ARE more equal than others.

• I honestly believe the Tories have lost the plot... keeping kids in school for 9 hours is not going to solve a single problem. The kids are already doing an hour of homework when they get home and the bright ones are being given work to copy to one side while the ones interrupting lessons are given a TA and additional teaching, the world isnt fair and it isnt perfect, we cant tailor schools for everyone, some kids are naturally adept at manual work others at mental work, thats nature not selective education, I think Grammar Schools should be brought back where those who can achieve are allowed to be tested and those who want to arse around and be a class idiot can do so but not at the expense of the bright kids, the argument of fairness can be turned on its head, its unfair on bright kids to de-value their education because of some numpty who is happy to stack shelves all their lives, this country is becoming a cluster fuck of stupid ass politicians who have been inter-breeding so long they have lost the plot and do-goody lefties who think we are all born equal... I think Mother Nature could put them right on that one, sad but true. It's time we realised it.

Time To Go.

Cameron calls for more love from us all, as if we just don't give a fuck,
About loving and hating, those that are grating, or simply just down on their luck.
In glass houses of old, they would do as they're told and never throw stones while inside,
But being MP's, they think every thing's free, as behind their expenses they hide.

Our diverse society, begs notoriety, from the press and the public a lot,
Nothing is easier, to get a visa here, just breathing means you have a shot.
Reality dawns, most migrants are pawns, to the Oligarchs holding the reins,
For six pounds a day, they will make you a slave, no guessing the wankers who gain.

Our Hospital Trusts are a laugh it's a must, to watch budgets get screwed with such ease,
They change office decor, no better than before, while the nurses are all on their knees,
We are saving the whale, but there-in lies a tale, our pensioners are dying from cold,
They don't have cute faces and we don't have the places, for them to simply grow old.

The badger is thriving, the hedgehog is hiding, as meddling celebs hits a high,
I don't give a fuck, for the badgers bad luck, but its not just the cattle that die...
The High Street has ended, will never be mended, as superstores hold all the aces,
Your new foreign car, or strange fruit from afar, while the cash goes to all the same places

I hate smug faced bankers, the inter-bred wankers with names such as Farquharson-Grovett,
Hold the Country to ransom, ain't that fucking handsome, just take all your money, they love it,
We sold our Electricity, in one act of simplicity, the Germans and French now hold court,
While prices are huge, they act worse than scrooge, with the ill-gotten gains they have bought.

We can't make a truck, no-one gives a fuck and the Far East is doing us over,
But we have money markets, no cars and no parking, while China is selling us Rovers,
To say what is wrong, would take far too long, lots of pages and nowhere to file 'em,
So lets get on a boat, try and keep it afloat and let Europe give us all asylum.
 

Take Whats Given.

You know that old feeling when life throws you a curve,
Like hearing The Nolans when you asked for The Verve,
Your best mate's not coming but your neighbour is here,
You know he ain't friends he just wants the free beer.

Your girlfriend just dumped you in a long drawn out text,
She explains all the reasons but you'll just miss the sex,
Your Dad finally figures what your 'net history means,
And the next time he sees you he ain't full of beans.

For back in his day there was Playboy and Knave,
Not Milf's dressed in leather, wanting you as their slave, 
He is pissed that his mags seemed like pages of suffering,
And he comes in his hand as the page is still buffering.

Mother stands sighing at the large washing basket,
As she wistfully looks down at her Mum in a casket,
An urn that says Pyrex and some handfuls of dust,
Marks the end of an era and a lifetime of trust.

She gathers her thoughts as she picks up her undies,
From a basket of wash that will last till next Monday,
She sorts out the whites from the dark coloured jumpers
While dreading the school run its bumper to bumper.

In the lounge Grandads stunned, sitting in silence,
At the loss of his wife, life's heartless and violent,
Staring at pictures all faded and grey,
Black and white shadows of a past wedding day.

As a tear slowly falls down a cheek aged and furrowed,
He now knows his time, like his heart, was just borrowed,
On the mat at his feet the new baby cries,
As this craggy old man slowly lays back and dies.

And some place somewhere as Grandad slips away,
A new baby's cries mark the dawn of a day,
So let the dead do their dying while we do the living,
Spend your life as you want it and share what your given.

1984 and all that jazz...

If you were so-minded you would suspect a conspiracy, words you will no doubt have heard before but the sight of this countries law makers bringing a family to court over a holiday taken while out of school hours is a step too far.
For a start the family have not had a holiday for six years and secondly it was booked well before the law came to book. On top of that ask yourself just WHY they need to take a holiday in school time?
Could it be something to do with the prices being trebled by greedy holiday companies during half term and end of term periods? I suspect it has a lot to do with it.
Why the conspiracy theory you ask? Well if one slimy greasy palmed toff that owns a company offering family holidays gets the ear of enough of the Westminster idiots he is going to get what he wants, parents FORCED to take their expensive holidays. If the holiday companies didn't rip off parents at certain times of the year this case would never have hit the headlines or even have come about.
So, rather than the government hounding decent tax paying law abiding families with yet another stealth tax how about chasing the cigar smoking, tax dodging, company owning in-bred who has 4 off-shore accounts and a luxury yacht for his MP buddies to use as when and get him to pay HIS share and if he doesn't send HIM to court, I seriously believe governments have lost the plot, if this family is found guilty its the thin end of the wedge, after all what democracy was ever built on the premise of "no appeal"?
 I suggest the lawmakers go look the word up and come back with a different plan of action, as they have obviously misunderstood the whole process this country spent two world wars fighting for.
 I am starting to feel embarrassed to be British such is the stupidity of this countries unfair pathetic money driven petty minded laws, for Gods sake you bunch of Westminster in-breeds get your fingers out of your arses and sort this country out before the people do it for you.

Shards.

Hospital beds sit in Threadneedle coffers
Patients with patience are bankrupt to offers
Ambulance staff parking outside the doors
No beds are available only the floors
An MP is coming perhaps things will change
But he can't stay long with so much to arrange
His expenses need sorting his snout's in the trough
He gets so much money though he says not enough.

Policemen cling longingly to a yesterday world
Where justice was justice not a white flag unfurled
The ASBO's ain't working the drugs they are rife
The law on the street is the blade of a knife
Judges that live in a world from reality
Pass sentences down that destroy our humanity
Rapists and robbers shrug off their convictions
While watching Sky Channel in palatial prisons

Teachers can't teach we all should be equal
No-one can win and there's never a sequel
The brightest and best must use their imagination
While the drop-outs get a T.A and all the attention
Classroom disruption is always on the table
If they do it enough they get a ADHD label
Funding from central government and a free taxi home
While bright kids who listen are left on their own

A lesson was learned when I was so young
The consequences harsh if I did something wrong
But here and now kids just have all the cards
Discipline gone in a million shards
Liberal thinking and fairness for all people
It's turned full circle now its anything but equal
Our leaders aren't leaders they can't flex their muscles
They are held to account by unaudited Brussels.

Shout "Human Rights" and your case is dismissed
Common sense lost in the Lawyers abyss
Its all for the money no pride now remains
We sue for the fun regardless of blame
So light one small candle and pray for humanity
Before it is lost on a wave of insanity
For even our leaders crave money not choice
But when all's said and done it's the peoples own choice. 

Small Town Thinking.

Frozen wet faces looking down at the pavement
Walking like zombies this isn't how it was meant,
Soaking wet jeans and dreams of a better world
Lost dreams of a Prince as befit still a little girl

Heartache and small towns guide one another
Tormented lifestyles haunt sister and brother
Minds that stay closed some for a generation
You stand in the kitchen, you know your life station,

Those thoughts of a life and a carved out career
All lost for those fags and the nights on the beer
But darkness brings dreams that small towns can't punish
Away from the red necks those sneers you admonish

For you can be wild and free in that moment
Not shackled by chains or hurt by the torment
So take your dreams with you and fly to your freedom
Let narrowest minds have their small town, it needs them

You stand so much taller when your heart does the talking
They search every corner, but you've started walking
Long shadows cast fingers that seem to be pointing
The cost of a conscience, it won't stop the wanting.

So you place all your dreams on a cloud that invites you
And never look back, as those shadows can bite you
You learn as days pass that the heartache's just wain
Your dreams in the night time will lessen the pain  
.

Is life in your bubble so tough now your out?
Or dreams made of scenes that make you scream and shout? 
Well fuck all the doubters the angry old shouters,
The old men and their shitty ways
I will ditch this small Town with it's inexorable frown
I'll be dreaming the rest of my days.

George lays one Punch and the City Bottler takes all.

As if to just remind us all, right on cue, that we are currently being governed by the latter day equivalent of Punch and Judy, out comes the naughty Crocodile (Georgie Porgy Osborne) to tell us all that he intends to slash the budgets yet again, thereby hanging the poor old baby (UK Businesses) out to dry for another year ensuring instant misery.
Before the good old British Public had finished the last scraps of Turkey or turfed the tree out for recycling along comes Georgie the evil Crocodile to frighten the living daylights out of an already punch drunk audience (The Public) to tell them that things are going to get a LOT worse, Oh yes it is!  For sure George is definitely not BEHIND YOU!  In fact the only thing George is behind is in his thinking, the last thing we want to hear at the start of a brand new year  from a talentless, nondescript, lightweight politician whose total business acumen amounts to a game or two of Monopoly at Christmas, is that things are going to get worse.

Here is a thought for you George, it is in fact NOT you that has steered the economy out of the abyss, neither is it the fat finance sector, who, by the way, now see their wallets bulging to bursting point once more, it wasn't quantitative easing, it wasn't government policies, it was in fact the very people you are now once more condemning to more misery with your ill-timed and ill-conceived words, it was the small business sector. The fact they kept their heads and saved this countries backside and carried on regardless through their entrepreneurship and determination means they single-handedly kept this country afloat, but you being a politician, you do exactly as you are supposed to do, you take the credit where it is not due, you think it's your policies that are working, so you say "More of the same!"
I really do wish the real crocodile was behind our incredulous Chancellor and just as he opened his mouth to frighten the UK economy into retreating to the bat cave for another year, the Crocodile opened IT'S mouth and swallowed this prize idiot whole.  How stupid does stupid get? The last thing any of us want to hear is more woe about how the government can't spend, or how it can't let go of the purse strings, when in reality it is about to plough a £40bn swathe through the English countryside with #HS2, a train that no-one, but the City based money men who will provide it''s backing wants.
 I suggest that Mr "Crocodile" Osborne keeps his rather enormous mouth firmly closed until he has something worthwhile to use it for, I would have thought an announcement that the Government is set to pump £40bn into the creaking transport infrastructure of this country as a whole and not just into a London based gravy train, would have been greeted with the response it would so deserve, unfortunately George is a puppet of the financial sector, like all the other puppets in Parliament and everyone knows what happens when an accountant is left to run a real business, one can only fear the worst when you actually consider exactly where the City sectors hands have to be placed, in order to get the results they want from their puppets... Whose got the baby?  Oh I think we all know whose got the baby George.

'Twas the day before work starts again....'

OK so its back to work time for many tomorrow (Monday 6th) the credit card bill will drop through the letterbox, the alcohol cupboard will go back to two tins of Guinness from Xmas 1999 and a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream that's so old the top has cemented shut, the house will seem that little bit smaller yet again under the weight of Lego and One Direction paraphernalia and you will find out the new coat you had off the other half isn't waterproof.   On top of all this the car will want taxing, the backlog at work can be seen from the Space Station and that little nerd from accounts wife has bought him a new Range Rover for Xmas and he has pinched your parking space.
You wont be on your own, The drinks cabinet will be identical in every cramped house in your row, the clothing dilemma is perennial and the Range Rover will be on the never never. As for the workload at least keeping busy will help you forget the credit card bill. This will be scant consolation to you however as the post Xmas blues start to take over. The thought of work through the next cold wet icy and snowy winter months will look as appetising as Granddad's Xmas lunch after his teeth fell in it, your get up and go will have gotten up and gone and your Mojo will be on Go Slow, the only respite will be from the odd work mate forced to wear their new Xmas jumpers to work. Later in the day you will remember that while you were vegging out and playing with the daughters new laptop you also signed up for 12 months online at the local gym and the new instalments of £30.00 a month start on the same day your car tax is due, worse is to come because your training partner is your Town's answer to Usain Bolt and he is keeping you to your word, despite five o'clock coming along and you are feeling more Dead-grave than Redgrave.

 Of course it will get worse as you get older. Have you noticed how older people rush to get food in for Xmas day?  OAP's stampede the bread counter and load enough milk in their trolleys to keep Cleopatra in her favourite baths for a lifetime, they buy enough Pork Pie to build a scale model of the Burj Khalifa and fill it from head to toe with Chocolate Santa's and Reindeer. They park anywhere and walk over top of you if they can't get round you, why Tesco and Sainsbury's car parks were so full of OAP's on Christmas Eve even June Whitfield was laid off by The Over Fifty Plan..
You will be fighting over the grand kids, playing the "I am offended but will try not to show it" card if your off-spring don't battle Tsunami's and hurricanes to be with you on Boxing day, while managing to fall asleep just before the Queen's speech comes on, despite insisting all morning that you are desperate to see it. So if the thought of getting up in the morning is a daunting one then rest assured you are not alone. Millions of us will be in the same boat and paddling it for all we are worth until next December.... when we will do it all over again!.

Have a great 2014 and thanks for all your support in 2013 x

The United Kingdom. A different viewpoint.

There is something moraly and ethically wrong with a society that has to resort to food banks for the poorest families, while answering the call of prison inmates who complain about the size of the portion they are handed out.
 Here's a thought, why not put these criminals to work on the pot holes and ditches that now litter and flood our under financed highways and pay them say £50.00 a week. Then tax them on their earning plus a £15.00 "victims surcharge" and hand that out to the poorest families now using food banks?.
Oh wait a minute, that is FAR too obvious, first of all it would "breach the prisoners human rights" ...(dont worry about their victims human rights as they don't count in the wishy washy liberal world), secondly it makes far too much common sense, you remember common sense? It got us through the last two wars and saw off the Nazi invaders with a flea in their ear. Can you imagine just what our left wing brethren would make of the Nazi party now? Why they would have a voice and be allowed to spread hate, go through airports in their swastika emblazoned "traditional dress" have their passport pics taken doing a Nazi salute, it is after all their "human right".
I am tired of seeing the hard working hard fighting decent people of this country being outvoted-out-maneuvered and out-talked by a bunch of perennial idiots who continually fight for the so called underdog when in reality the underdog is common sense and those same decent people. The NHS is dying in front of our eyes, instead of putting more Bobbies on the beat we make a new job called "Police Commissioner" and he crticises the already under funded over-worked foot soldiers while taking home 4 times their annual pay.
The fire service are another one and dont start me on our schools, Michael Gove should be frog marched to the Tower for taking away my children's childhood, he is little short of a dictator with a warrant card. Then the funny handshake brigade are all salivating over the profits they will gather from #HS2, a railway line the country can neither afford or wants, but trust me the money men will get it, they run the country and so called "Parliament" is but their lap-dog to be used how and when they see fit.

While all this happens what do our elected brethren do to right the wrongs? Do they stand up to all this lefty nonsense and fight for the common man?  Do they point a finger at those with clip boards and fluorescent bibs and shout "No More!" Do they tell Europe to take it's "Human Rights" overkill and stuff it? Then tell them the British people have had enough?. No. They don't.
Instead our wonderful eclectic elected members play the continual blame game with each other in order to secure another four years of lucrative government for their paymasters, in the Tories case it's the banking sector in Labour's case it's the Unions, I won't mention the Liberals as even they don't know what camp they are in so how the hell would we?  There is not a single man in government today that I would vote for, not one, Jesus Christ I couldn't name another MP below David Cameron and his two counterparts such is their miniscule contribution to this countries welfare, while they fiddle Rome burns.

So having complained what could I do about it? You notice I said "I" not "we".
Such is the way of politics now that unless you are committing your oath to one of the "three" idiotic numbskulls that currently fight and bicker over our country as it goes into its death throes, you are in no mans land, so perhaps we should infiltrate one of them and try a military coup style take over and call the new party "Solidarity".... it worked in Poland.
 The reality is, no-one is going to do anything, as British people we put up and shut-up. But... and I say this in hope more than knowledge, I have seen what the British public can do if they are pushed too far and woe betide any politician that tries to stop that Tsunami. Be very careful Westminster, there are an awful lot of decent British law abiding citizens who are sick to the back teeth of your meddling, mishandling and total lack of leadership, not just one party but the whole damned lot of you, I cannot think of one Oxford or Cambridge student that i would entrust with our country, you have no experience of real life, in short you lack common sense and damn does it show.
 It is a well worn joke that the only man who entered parliament with honorable intentions was Guy Fawkes, it might give these spineless idiots a taster of just what their meddling in Afghan and Iraq has done to our under supported armed forces facing explosions and mortar fire every day, I bet the noise of Churchill spinning in his grave sounds like a Chinook on full throttle in a tin shed, oh for the days of a real political leader with some guts to stand up for Britain, God knows they are needed now and it could indeed be their finest hour.