Better The Devil You Know?.

Sitting here at 5 a.m in the morning I find my mind wandering somewhat, always a dangerous phenomenon as it really shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised!. It's at times like this when you are deep in thought that you realise the irony of Monty Python's "Meaning Of Life", for as much as we deny it we are all looking for those deep meaningful thoughts and answers to go with them that we can share with others and will somehow lighten all our ways along the path of every day life.
The fact that I have made the above statement probably means I have been here too long already to some and to others, who have been in the same position it may make complete sense. We are all looking for the answers to so many questions on a daily basis, some we are satisfied with and others will remain a mystery, though perhaps it isn't such a bad thing, I mean who would REALLY like to know what happens when we die?, surely the very gift of life is the unknown, as if it were ever proved that the outcome was death and that's the end of it we would all surely be a lot worse off, or would we?.
Let's just imagine a top scientist is one day sat in a darkened laboratory somewhere in middle England  and he suddenly finds out exactly what happens to us after death and, if he could stand up and demonstrate without question all his findings about what becomes of the human soul when we depart our earthbound bodies, just what would happen to the single largest industry in the world, religion?.
 The facts would only get in the way of one true heaven, one true God, one true spiritual entity, the Pope would be pointless, the Archbishop Of Canterbury would be a none job, atheists would be singing "I told you so" until the cows come home and back again, what a thought!.
The facts are we are better off not knowing either way in my humble opinion, because as with all things that have an unknown outcome we humans (the vast majority at least) would rather err on the side of optimism, even those staunchly opposed to any kind of God or afterlife would like to think they will be spared total darkness when their time comes.

I can almost hear you asking what my thoughts of an after life are..( I am sure I heard a voice at the back or did I just imagine that too!). Well considering the above script I guess it's a fair question to ask.  I believe there is something in what people say about the after life but not in quite as corny a way as some religions would have you believe, I think the human spirit can take other forms and therefore the possibility of our thoughts still leaving a trail in the hereafter are quite possible, but I personally think that after time they would fade to nothing and so life carries on. That may be a simplistic view but it's one I am happy to contemplate as I get older and in any case it's far easier to write it all down here than it is to invite a Jehovah's Witness inside the house to discuss the merits of The Watchtower!.

So, luckily for us life goes on, we remain in blissful ignorance and as a race we will continue to argue over religion and it will therefore continue to cause wars and deaths by the thousands. When that thought hits you it's hard not to wish that the mad scientist from middle England is nearing completion of his life long project on the truth about the afterlife...

Hope you all have a good Tuesday.

I Tweet therefore I am?.

The constant attack on your senses these days makes the thought process all the more difficult. If you are prone to interruptions constantly then you really are up against it.
Modern life comes with a volume control that has no mute button it seems, you may turn it down as low as you wish but it will still be making a huge noise inside your head, you may not know it but trust me it's there.

I use Twitter to keep updated with what is going on in the world more than the newspaper or the TV, it's a sign that social networking (the new buzz word) is becoming ever more a source of everyday entertainment and there is almost an expectation that all the answers are laid out before you in characters of 140 or less.
The fact is Twitter is somewhat of a melting pot for every moan, laugh. cry, bitch or shout and thrives on our in-built curiosity and voyeurism more than our need to glean information about the latest football match.
We all like to be nosey, we love reading and hearing gossip and Twitter gives us that in giant helpings, it panders to our curiosity like no other application has ever done, we love to see the spats and the silly comments and even better if there are two "z" list celebs or pea brained footballers trying to string at least two sentences together without giving the game away that their Mother is actually writing it.
It holds our attention like no other and for those that get it completely,  it's a total way of life.

I am of course, being a hypocrite, for I too seek to have my words read and commented on like everyone else, this very Blog would be of much less interest were it not for a Twitter audience, but i remain amazed by the fact that people take valuable time out of their own day to comment on either my work or a previous Tweet, it is a wonderful comfort to someone who finds themselves isolated in life for whatever reason be it physically or mentally.
 So, really Twitter is a mouth piece, it's a sounding board, an advertisers dream, but a wonderful way of communicating with like minded people all over the world, something Facebook users either get or never get usually the latter and that is why Twitter is definitely here to stay, it involves you from the outset, Facebook is the playground while Twitter remains the classroom.
With all good things there is a downside. Twitter by it's very existence will attract less than honest people and along with them come those who wish to offer advice. The less than honest people will take note when you announce your holiday for two weeks and what new items you may have just bought, those seeking to give you advice can be very well intentioned but sometimes only the ear of a professional counsellor would be the best way forward, so you see Twitter is not the answer to all our prayers, it is like lifting the lid of a box and peering in to see and hear a measure of views and statements that would drive you insane if you listened all day every day to it... prophetic words?.. perhaps but I will let you all decide.

Off.

Got that ticket walk that wire
Mind is racing heart on fire

Life is changing voices call
Not afraid to take the fall

Parting wishes, icy cold
Not the dream for me to hold

Train moves slowly Eastern bound
Soon left wanting can't be found

Time is precious can't be stalled
Take it onwards when your called

Sit and listen it's all fine
Don't wait up, as it's my time. 

A friend indeed.

In battles grand I've made my stand
Beside my friends in need,
Fought the fight and bought the right
To be that friend indeed.

I've stood by all and took the fall,
For meek and mild the same,
With shoulders wide and love inside
Some scarcely knew my name.

A sword of truth learned in my youth
The light that showed my way
Like brightest star, seen from afar
Turned darkness into day.

But truth be told my faith's on hold
The scene not all it seems.
For friends indeed on you will feed
And shatter saintly dreams

So shine that light so bold yet bright
And hold it straight and true,
For when confused while being used
That light will work for you.

Regrets, there have been a few.

You can't make a writer, you can't make a footballer, the same can be said for every profession we choose to label ourselves with. The facts are that in all of us are the genes that help to map out our chosen paths in life. A family that has grown up surrounded by all that is football will spawn a football loving kid and if lucky one day a professional player, although i have to admit to using the word "lucky" very loosely in the footballers case!.
It is therefore very likely that a writer will be the offspring of parents with a flair for the written word, not necessarily a published and accomplished writer, in fact more likely someone in the family who has the ability to spin a good yarn. This latter description covers my upbringing very well, I am originally from a farming family that expected you to work on a farm when you left school, so the very mention of further education after 15 was out of the question, you got a job and you paid your way.
I can still remember to this day turning up for my first day on a hill farm in the Shropshire hill's feeling so desperately sad that I had to dig ditches, muck out cattle, foot rot sheep (cutting their hoofs with a knife), put up fences etc, it was my living nightmare, but, as I have said in those days you didn't argue, you followed in the footsteps of your parents and their grandparents and did as you were told.
I hated every single day of farm life, the freezing cold mornings, the never ending feeding of stock, the unsociable hours in the summer, in fact when i look back i lost the vast majority of my youth to long hours working through the night to get the harvest in.
 I did as i was told and that was that. many teenagers have suffered worse fates but indeed i was imprisoned by the social and financial boundaries that may as well have been a prison wall for all that it mattered at 16 years of age.

Eventually, I managed to leave farming and ended up driving a huge articulated truck to London every day delivering pavior bricks from Blockleys Bricks in Telford to the streets of Wandsworth. I ended up knowing London like the back of my hand, it was nothing to head straight into the City at 6 am and be unloaded and out by 9 as everyone else was queuing to come in. This all opened up a new world for a farm boy from Shropshire, I saw the guts of London, the Good the Bad and the Ugly, I saw back streets High streets and alleyways, building sites, scary sights and all manner of outlandish people and behaviour in my 5 years of driving through London's streets with such a huge truck. This has stayed with me even now, I love London and all it stands for, a vibrant all consuming mixture of all this world we live in stands for and represents.

So for now I remain torn between a life amongst the Shropshire hill's and a longing to once more tread amongst the streets of a City that stole a part of me that can never be returned.  I just wish I had been given more opportunity as a youngster to explore all the possibilities life had to offer rather than having to step up to the plate and work at 15.

My Children will never be given such a stark choice even if i have to work night and day to ensure it.

Testing times.

A time to dance, a time to cry, a time to laugh, even a time to write?. I would like to think so but of late its been seemingly impossible. Life throws us many twists and turns, some of which we are ill-prepared to take on or even accept and this has been the case for me over the past month or so.
To change anything in your life takes a committed effort that has to be adhered to or it will fail as sure as God made little acorns, well.. Gran used to say that so it must be true right?!. The truth is, as we make our way through life we get ourselves comfortable with where we are and as we get older it takes twice the effort to make any changes, the same goes for trying to lose weight, I could remember shedding pounds on a whim in my younger days but now it takes a lot more effort for half the result.
The fact is, you have to need change enough for it to become a reality. If you are prepared to sacrifice a few home comforts then you will make a go of it, but, as in most cases (the New Years resolution for one) the act and the will to change is lost in a matter of weeks sometimes even days.
I myself have been faced with many issues of late not all the stuff warrants close inspection or airing on a public blog but needless to say it's been testing, but to achieve change requires hard work, heartache and in some cases courage that wouldn't be out of place on the front line of a battlefield, this also has to be combined with a single mindedness that you want what you are actually aiming for in the first place.
So, if like me, you are in that transition period where life makes little sense and you think you are very much alone then think again, many of us are re-evaluating our futures and considering change, my thoughts are that many of us however, will leave this firmly at the thinking stage, if like me you are in the middle of that journey then welcome to my world, it's going to be a bumpy ride.